Word Addict

May 11th is the launch of the latest issue of Word Addict here in Prague at Studio Savec.

The title of this issue is 'BREATHE' and the theme -

Inner peace; having achieved peace of mind; struggling to achieve peace of mind; hating this hippie mumbo jumbo.

You can find more details here…(clickpic)

I am very proud to have a piece which we be included in their wonderful literary/poetry magazine for poets and revolutionaries from all over infinity's bits. Big thanks to Jaromir Lelek, founder of the mag and a wizard wordsmith to boot.

I won’t include the poem they will publish in this blog but I will share some things below which I have been reading recently at Poetry open mics in Prague for the pleasure of your eyes and brain noodles.


A man carrying a large bunch of flowers


A disaster waiting to happen

I see you carrying the big bouquet upright like that

Stepping carefully

Afraid of bumping into anyone in the street or in the crowds on the bus

And you've been told that that's not the way to hold them

That you can hold them upside down by your side

Casual like

But no, all stiff you look,

trying your very hardest not to damage the flower heads,

Lose any petals or bend the stalks

This awkward, tricky balancing act is as humorous as it is difficult to watch

I assume you made it home safe or to the restaurant or wherever it is you were taking them

And I'll bet they went down well

They looked quite expensive

But your balancing act has just begun

You must keep on winning the heart you won

Hold her upright and do not run

Never dangle her casually by your side

There's no such thing as a a sturdy bride

So carry her upright like that

Step carefully

And never let her see how much it costs.

The Song of Rowland

The king of this empty apartment I am

So frankly my dearest I don't give a damn

If you never darken these towels again

A home is a home and a man is a man

From my balcony I watch you sprint to the tram

The room still stunned by your dramatic door slam

My bow and my arrow are pointed at you

You missed the tram and you're still in view

You're smoking now for something to do

You said you'd quit - lied about that too

The neighbour’s dog is doing a poo

The neighbour's not even picked it up!

My heart is sure and my aim is true

You drop the ciggy and fall to your side

The bow is silent and easy to hide

The ambulance people quickly arrive

I'm not sorry you left or sorry you died

The circle of blood sticky and wide

The King of this empty apartment I am

And a bit of a murderer since you fucked Sam.

Rules for Poetry Readings.

1) Never ask the audience a direct question. This is poetry, not stand up.

2) Always speak up

3) Never speak down

4) Try to visualise the audience fully clothed

5) Don't flatter yourself. It is impossible to speak over people's heads with your words at a poetry meet. There is a 14'' invisible net above everyone's crown and they gather up everything.

6) Print your words so you can see them in the moody light of your venues. Or memorise the words. Don't read from your phone. One text, whatsapp or a call can ruin your bit. Plus you look like a tit.

7) We are but...

Farting tear-ducts

Gurning shit machines

Self analysing reprobates

Own it.

8) Do not accuse your audience of anything. You do NOT know them.

9) Do not waste anyone's fucking time.

10) Give the audience at the very least one thing to take home, even if it's only a kick in the arse.

11) Remember some poems are meant to be read in a book, quietly and alone.

For the poems you must mull. Cull.

12) Don't forget to say something profound at least twice even if your poem is fuelled by anti-profundity.

13) Remember to listen to yourself in relation to the response you conjure. Most of your magic tricks cannot be concealed by slight of mouth. Your audience are eagle third-eyed experts. Remember your wand is the size of a house. Wave it ever so gently.

14) No intros longer than 10 words

15) No intros at all is better than a 10 words or less intro. That's what titles were invented for.

16) Plan what you will read BEFORE you stand up. You are not entering a freestyle rap battle. Unless you are entering a freestyle rap battle. You agonised over this stuff. Your words deserve fair warning.

17) Carry on Poet - If your nerves were not strong enough to stop you from coming tonight, to stop you from reading, then the butterflies have failed at their job, haven't they? You win. You may carry on, poet.

18) poetry means never having to say you're sorry.

19) Go towards the precipice and withdraw Go towards the precipice and withdraw. Tease us. Then go over the edge or cease your childish thrusting.

20) don't forget to listen to the people who read before and after you.

21) Never pontificate without gifts, a gun or a good amount of irony.

22) look up every now and again and remember who you are reading to. And don't forget to NOT talk to them. As tempting as it may seem and As lovely as they may look.


If there are feelings in the poem

Read it like an actor

Communication and sympathy

Are a contributing factor

If you read your poem

like you couldn't give a shit

Then What the hell d'you expect

Others to do with it


This is all about Finding your own tone

Don't read someone else's pome

Copy other poets - Get a clue

Until your poems sound like you


If you speak like you write

Or write like you speak

You will either come on too strong

Or you'll come off too weak

If you read like you're reading

T.S.Elliot or Dylan Thomas

Make the first line count

Or keep it from us

If you read like you're reading

Pam Ayres, Craig Charles or Willy

You better make sure that the last line

Is proFOUNDLYly silly


Wear something cool

So at least if you blow it

The staff at the bar

Will think you're a poet

Open Mike

I hate standing here

Like a big nervous Nelly

I'd rather be home

Watching the telly



But I lift myself up

And drag myself down

To the open Mic poetry

The other side of town

Where I can show off

All that I know

In the hope that one day

I might go pro

And be paid for the shit

That goes on in my mind

Or at least get a girl

And be paid in kind



You gotta show up

Or else how could you guess

If your mind is on track

Or a horrible mess

And listen to see

If the poet's around you

Share the same thoughts

And are poised to astound you

I hate standing here

So why do I do it?

Why abandon the couch

And put myself through it?

I think it's because

When I'm watching TV

I am constantly thinking

That could be me

When I open a book

And a bottle of wine

I can't help but think

Those words could be mine

But why I ask

Should anyone care

If I do something

And decide to share?

Well if you don't do

And you give in to fear

There'll be some other joker

Standing up here

And I know you know

Just as well as I do

You only really like them

If they think like you

So shy or not

Pick up your feet

There are no signs

On this three way street

Say what you say

There's no one to beat

There's poetry in

The jaws of defeat.

The jaws of success

Ain't nearly as forgiving

Be Happy you're an amateur

And really fucking living



Hope you enjoyed all that. Follow me on Instagram, like me on Facebook and feel free to say 'Hi' to me on either one of those or even on the contact page of this very website.

Also follow and like our Alt*Art Society FB page. Also find me at Elpsis Boo Channel on youtube.

I am committed to making this blog as snappy, fun, experimental and accessible as I can. If any of what I post, paint, paste or print resonates with you, please forward to friends and colleagues with wild abandon!

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